Life in the Stone Age

To many people I am still living in the stone age. Many people may be surprised to know this is still possible, but neither my wife nor I have, or have had, a smart phone. On a side note, we also don't have cable. Your jaw has probably hit the floor in disbelief as you're wondering, "How are  you able to survive without a device to constantly look down at and scroll??" Well, the answer is that it is quite simple. I do so the same way I did before 5-7 years ago when everyone decided a smart phone was essential for life.


So, why do I not have a smart phone? No, I am not paranoid of being tracked, am no simplest-is-best purist, and am not arbitrarily shunning modernity or changing times. Some would consider me frugal (this is what people call others who are not wasteful and/or prioritize saving), but this is not a primary reason why either. The answer is actually quite simple. I don't have a smart phone because I have no reason to buy one.  My phone, which I don't honestly use a ton, works just fine. I can call and I can text. I don't need it for anything else.


Here are some reasons I don't need one: I have an Amazon Kindle Fire that I use at home and I have access to the Internet at work. That is how I am able to survive without a smart phone. It is also nice having a $50 month phone bill for my wife and I. Finally, I have a very addictive personality, and I know that I would just stare at my phone all the time (like everyone else) if I had a smart phone. I already go back and forth between ESPN and Facebook twenty times a day at home after work, so I know I'd be as tempted as anyone to compulsively check a smart phone every 15 seconds. This is another reason I've managed to hold off on getting one. I could dwell on this and talk about the constant need for peer affirmation created by the ubiquity of social media, but I'm really thinking about more tangible reasons now.


Maybe if I used social media more I'd feel a stronger need for a smart phone. But, the only social media forum I use is Facebook. I've never had a Snapchat or Instagram account. I have a Twitter account but haven't actually tweeted in about 7 years. Well, I do probably still have a MySpace account out there. That makes sense, since it was a contemporary of my current aging phone.

I'll admit, there are some moments in life when it would be nice to have a phone with a screen and constant internet access. I can list all those moments now:

• When I am on the road and need directions or to look up places such as restaurants. However, I try to alleviate this need by using Google Maps before leaving (like my fellow dinosaurs) and researching restaurants before hunger pangs strike. However, I love that when we go out, we never look down at our phones as it seems like everyone else around us is. If I had a smart phone I wouldn't be able to look down on those people in condescending self-righteousness.
• When I am not at home and want to know a score update on a sporting event. In this case, I just text a friend or ask someone else around me.
• When I am part of a group message. The original message comes through fine, but all responses come through as blank messages. Not fun being part of a group message when I get 20 blank responses. I wish I had a way of letting everyone know I don't have a smart phone without getting awkward stares. Friends, consider yourself notified.
• When I'd like to take some pictures and no camera is available. As surprising as it may sound, smart phone cameras > dumb phone cameras. Fortunately, I'm not someone who feels the need to photograph every moment or occasion that I experience. Sometimes the memory is enough.

In summary, I live quite happily and function relatively normally without a smart phone. I'm not resisting one out of rebellion or to stick it to the man. I just don't really need or want one. I'm perfectly happy leaving it upstairs for the night when I'm home from work. It gives me time to check my faxes and feed my tamagotchi.